Golden Gurlz

I wore gold shoes today, but they didn’t feel right. Sometimes saucy, today they just felt like they escaped the Golden Girls’ closets, gold lamé peeptoes with sensible heels the “fuck me pumps” of choice for Bea Arthur, Estelle Getty and Rue McClanahan (Betty White opting out of the fucking all together, of course).

It’s hard to make metallics feel prudish, but Kenneth Cole did a number on these! They lack all the characteristics that traditionally accompany shiny gold shoes: strapiness, stilettos, thin leather soles and/or tight ankle ties. Cushioned and demure, with no slip soles and absolutely no toe cleavage, I could wear these shoes to church…

If I went to church…